yeah, i'm kind of the queen of 'alone time'. i feel very "me" when it's just me, and i guess that's the way it's always gonna be. i know a lot of things, even though i haven't done all of them. i know things have their own season, and this seems to be the season of 'this is kinda starting to suck'. i'm just starting to see that these things aren't really 'me'. my heart has betrayed me so many times, and i wish this wasn't one of those times. timing just sucks. sucks freakin balls. but maybe the roller coaster is finally coming to a stop. maybe reality isn't all it's cracked up to be. i keep saying i've come a long way, but really, how far have i come?? yeah, i've gone through some shit, but have i changed my actions, my decision-making skills?? or have i just felt and seen and scared myself into a corner?? cuz that's what i'm starting to feel like. scared into a little corner all by myself, walking away from the big risks. once again. sitting in my goddamn box. alone. but 'okay'. am i letting go of something awesome, or something fake?? this whole fucking thing is a joke, and i'm sick of it!!!!
or maybe this is just a bad week. again. good and bad, up and down. can i get a balance??
but honey, remember how bored you are with balance?? with repetition??
fuck. what. the. fuck. UGH!!
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