choosing vs reacting

i've been practicing the Goodwill Patterns yet again.
and my prayers saved my sanity.
that revelation came to me once again, the fact that it is possible to be passionate without letting your emotions control you.
it's actually morally wrong [if you're living by god's standards of morals] to let emotions dictate your action. jesus gave us that example. only the person who learns how to live above merely reacting to situations presented to him and make his own decisions based on his will and his wisdom will be able to love, grow, and mature. ONLY with prayer was i able to win that torrential battle between what i felt and what i knew.
there's something called anger, and then there's righeous fury. i really doubt most of us experience righteous fury more often than the first.
of course i know we do plenty of morally wrong things, and i'm by no means anywhere close to the 'pure and true model of righteousness'. i fuck up. we all do. i've finally given up being miserable and chosen to put away my mind-set of feeling terribly sorry for myself, though. being able to forgive, to tell yourself to concentrate on the good in another, this is christ-like. this isn't for the other person. you will stop feeling a compulsion to continually punish the other person, which will uproot that bitterness that's grown inside of you.

"I forgive you for whatever you may have done that caused me pain, intentionally or unintentionally, through your actions, through your words, even through your thoughts, through whatever you did. Through whatever you didn't do. However the pain came to me through you. I forgive you. I forgive you."

it's hard. it takes practice. every fuckin day. but it's for me. it's asking God to forgive me for not coming to Him first. it's asking him to help me forgive myself. it's cultivating a productive spirit instead of feeding sorrow and bitterness, which grows into undeserved anger and resentment. it's letting my heart be at peace. it's truly deciding to move past, move beyond, let down my guard, my walls, and gives me the peace and positivity to be able to love again.

i want to help fill your needs. i want to be an example. i want to 'take better care of my things'.

cuz i'm crazy for you.

c.