wow. it's, umm, chilling.

someone you spent a very large portion of your life with finally catches back up with you. you see a startling pattern showing through your actions, your choices, the people you connect with, associate with, desire to be around. do we all have addictive personalities?? do we all have some sort of obsession, some sort of serious, crippling, life-sucking wrench on our backs?? it's scary for me to believe that it's just people, that it's just how we are. self-destruct in t-minus five years. pray to GOD that it's not going to be that way. this person that i loved is still out there, but they aren't living. it makes me shrivel inside thinking about them, seeing what is left, what they've become in a few years time. what do i have to do to stay above the depths?? it feels like all i see is people struggling to tread water. but that's not how it is, is it?? pray to GOD i won't end up like them. pray to GOD i keep my heart on lock. i've already done plenty of things to myself i wish upon no one to have to go through. and i'm scared it's happening again, because i got bored with the lack of intensity that characterized my monotonous life. i'm praying i didn't fuck up, this one last time. please, GOD, let me be one of the lucky ones. help me get out of this intact. help me. help him. help them. help us.